“I have learned there is comfort in community…”

Losing a pre-born baby is something you never think will happen to you. It’s never even a thought in your mind… until it happens. We lost our first baby in March of 2011 – a little girl named Hope Elizabeth. With Hope, I had a molar pregnancy. To add insult to injury, we were told we had to delay trying to conceive again until my pregnancy hormone levels had returned to pre-pregnancy levels. Every blood draw weighed on my soul – having to walk back into the same office where I first learned our baby had died was a constant reminder.  After healing from the molar pregnancy, we welcomed three healthy boys over the course of five years.  Will, Luke and Jack are everything we ever wanted in a family.  But we still felt like our family wasn’t complete.  We decided to start trying for a fourth baby.  The next pregnancy turned out to be a chemical pregnancy and ended very quickly.  I didn’t even know what a chemical pregnancy was until we had one. We named our baby, Ava Grace. After our chemical pregnancy, we got pregnant again!  However, right before our first trimester ended, we learned that our baby’s heart had stopped.  We were absolutely devastated. Again.  After the D&E surgery, we learned that our baby boy, Noah James, had Trisomy 9 and would have never survived.  After the two back-to-back losses, we were advised to seek help with fertility.  During this time, I developed debilitating endometriosis. I tried many things to deal with the endometriosis and eventually had a hysterectomy at 38. And with that came the end of our childbearing years.

Throughout our journey, I have learned there is comfort in community — connecting, grieving, processing, and healing with others who’ve had similar experiences. Every story is different but losing a baby somehow unites. Pre-born baby loss is very common, but so little talked about. People grieve alone but it doesn’t need to be that way. We can be there for each other – to talk, to cry and grieve, to show emotions – anger, hurt, bitterness or pain, or to just sit in silence. I started Angel Babies of the Carolinas to create a community of moms (yes, even if your child(ren) never lived outside your womb, you are a mom) who can love on each other and to provide resources for those who are walking this journey.